ACCEPT

Everyone has days when they feel frustrated, this includes children. There may be times that we do not understand a child’s behavior but we need to accept that we cannot change who they are. Luckily, there are ways to improve your everyday situations. Be a positive role model and remember that there are no bad children, only bad behaviors.

REFRAME

Focus on a child’s strengths, it gives them hope. Using words like disobedient or stubborn can be painful to a child. Children tend to start believing what they hear, so if they are hearing negative adjectives all the time, that is most likely how they will behave. Rather use words of encouragement that will lead to positive development. Instead of using the word argumentative, use persistence, this will be more beneficial to your Raising your spirited child.

OBSERVE

Make notes in a journal for a few weeks. When do issues arise? Does it happen at a certain time of day – morning, after school, or evening? Do certain situations or events cause flair-ups? Try to find the reasons behind the behavior. You need to also make notes of when your child is behaving in a good way. This is the first step to helping your child thrive.

FIND SOLUTIONS

Use the information you get from your observations in order to make changes. What helps your child in the morning? Whatever it is, give them that time to help them ease into their day. Maybe your child calms down if they use their senses – try letting them have a few minutes doing something they like before they have to get ready. Does some play before homework make it easier for them to focus? Create new routines that suit both you and your child.

Sit with your child when you set your expectations and be very clear about what they are. It is vital that you be consistent but also allow them to give their opinions within this framework. Let them take part in how you can achieve your goals together. If you need to leave at a certain time to be at school on time, ask them how they think they can help reach these goals. Go over the plan with them before the time if you wish to be successful. Praise your child for things that they do right and explain to them that there are consequences if they do not listen.

THE DO-OVER

Explain to your child that at some point in everyone’s lives they make mistakes that they wish they could take back. A do-over is a way to clean the slate and try again. Use yourself as a model first before you try to get them to do it. Giving them the option of a do-over allows them to correct their behavior without getting into a conflict with you. Eventually, your child will get to a point where they ask for a do-over by themselves.

Raising your spirited child can be hard work at times.